What drives me to be a newborn photographer? I get asked this question quite a bit. Well there is not one distinct reason that stands out to me, i have many reasons i guess. Though what drove me to focus on just newborns in the first place was……. loss.
When i fist started my photography journey my focus was fashion and portraits. I was in love with taking pictures of beautiful clothing. People dressed up, mainly in vintage clothing. I can see my love of vintage extending a little to my newborn set ups as well.
In 2013 i fell pregnant to my fourth child, i was pretty excited at this thought as my husband and I wanted to try for another child. It wasn’t to be though, i lost that baby at 8 weeks pregnant. In 2014 we fell again, to reach 12 weeks of pregnancy i was getting very excited as i thought ‘This is it, we made it”. Until this point i hadn’t told anyone of my pregnancy. We had our 12 week scan and to me everything looked great.
Few days later we got a call from my GP asking if we can please come in and discuss the ultrasound. My husband asked me if this is normal, to my knowledge i had never had to do this before with either pregnancy. At that point the worry set in.
I made an appointment and we spoke with out GP. My results were abnormal for all three of the Trisomy syndromes. My heart sank. I had never heard of them before nor had i ever been faced with all the decisions she was telling me we may have to face. I thought to myself surely this is all just a bad dream! I was told if it was latter 2 Trisomy syndromes to brace myself for the worse, as they are not viable pregnancies.
We were sent for a Harmony test, at that time it was a 2 week wait for results as they were all sent to America. That two weeks was the most agonising two weeks of my life. Waiting, waiting, waiting. My belly was growing, i didn’t know whether i should bother buying myself maternity clothes or even allow myself to get excited at the thought of my belly growing.
After three agonising weeks i finally got the call from my Gynaecologist to come in for a discussion. That drive into Wollongong felt like it took an eternity. I felt nauseas, scared, anxious and at one time i felt hopeful. Hopeful that the news would be good as i had googled that the ultrasounds stats can sometimes get it wrong.
Not in my case though. My baby girl had Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome). At 4 and a bit months pregnant i lost my baby girl due to the complications of Trisomy 18. My husband and myself tried twice more after this and unfortunately lost both pregnancies as well. 4 losses in 4 years was unbearable. Luckily i already have three beautiful, healthy children. Not everyone gets to have that so i feel incredibly lucky and grateful.
This is what drives me to do the job i do today. The sheer joy i get from giving families cherished memories of their newborn baby. Memories are what keeps us going, and for me, having the ability to capture those for families warms my insides.
Loss affects people in many different ways. For me doing my newborn sessions helped me heal. I was helping families and clients capture these beautiful moments, and my clients were helping me heal <3